Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
