You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
