Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
