he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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