I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
