dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
