well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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