i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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