now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
