i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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