I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
