Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
