Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
