So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
