btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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