yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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