how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
