you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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