he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
