So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she told me i tasted like america
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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