She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
