just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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