Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
