Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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