hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
