turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
