your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
