she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
