Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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