p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
