just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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