His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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