im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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