i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
