I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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