If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
