dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
