Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
