Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
