I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
