there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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