I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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