I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my phone needs a breathalizer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
