The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
In America we eat man semen.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
