How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
