and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
