the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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