Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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