Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
