so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
