You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
