Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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