She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
