He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
